I was asked to be best man for my good friend’s wedding this coming weekend, an honor that I was pleased to accept. This is only the second time that I have been honored in this way and the last time was many years ago, last-minute spur of the moment and didn’t require any effort on my part. I am not saying that there are any expectations or pressures in this case, only those that I, and tradition have placed upon me. It is traditionally the responsibility of the best man to throw a bachelor party and I was not about to take this lightly.
When planning a bachelor party, you must take into consideration the personality, temperament, likes and dislikes etc… of the groom. I don’t think you need worry about the bride as she will not be in attendance. As long as no laws can be proven to have been broken, no STD’s have been spread and no animals have been harmed, I think just about anything else goes.
After setting the date, at least a week in advance of the impending nuptials (in order to permit time for recovery and to handle potential issues tha may arise from said party, legal or emotional) I needed a theme. I tossed a few ideas around and eventually was inspired by the website epicmealtime.com . These crazy snowbacks do some ridiculously sick things with food! My first idea was to build (assimilate) the Borg ship from Star Trek out of various meat stuffs as the groom is a Trecker. I couldn’t handle the physics of assembling this meat cube so I moved on to the thought of building a figure of the lovely bride, once again out of various meats. I thought this to be a particularly, ironically inspired idea, as the bride is a vegetarian, but the groom wasn’t sure he could deal with his friends eating his fiance in effigy. Then, it hit me. A bachelor party is the very definition of a sausage fest.
Armed with my theme, “Sausage Fest”, I began to accumulate several varieties g glorious, ground animal parts with no certain end game in mind. I finally decided that the main course would be a sausage, stuffed with sausages and even though it was slightly off theme, wrapped in bacon. First was to pre-cook the bratwurst, mild and sweet Italian sausage, andouille, hot dogs and smoked kielbasa in beer. Then onto the grill with all of those.
Mean while, the guests were enjoying champagne (Miller High Life, the champagne of beers!) along with chips and salsa, a bacon weave, candied bacon and shots of Jack Daniels. While the links were searing on the grill, pork chorizo and maple breakfast sausage were flattened out on parchment into one giant, continuous sheet. Now cover the sausage sheet with pepperoni slices, fill with grilled sausages, drown in home-made JD bbq sauce, roll into one giant sausage full of sausages, cover in bacon, and bake at 375 for about an hour.
Imagine my dismay upon noticing that I had forgotten to include the two pounds of Cheddar Lil’ Smokies and Vienna Sausages! No need to panic. One of the guest suggested a Vienna Sausage pate’. Genius! Just add some white and black truffle oil, apply immersion blender and spread on crackers. Surprisingly delicious. As for the Cheddar Lil’ Smokies, I just happened to have an extra pie crust lying around, so it got filled with lil’ smokies and bbq sauce, covered with top layer of crust and into the oven. I forgot to mention the cheese sauce that was bubbling on the stove, waiting to smother all that meaty goodness. Velveta, green chiles, JD, white truffle oil all melted together into a creamy, gooey, golden pot of heaven.
Throw in a few more drinks, some cigars, hot guitar licks, to-go containers (there is no way I could finish those left-overs by myself!) and the requisite blu-ray porn in HD on the 50 inch plasma and you have the makings of a successful bachelor bash.
I am just now coming completely out of coma-like state induced by that evening of excess, and already planning the next one!